In a move that has shocked absolutely no one, the chess community has taken it upon themselves to handle World Chess Champion Ding Liren with the delicate care typically reserved for a teething toddler. Since his coronation as the king of 64 squares, Ding has faced a series of setbacks, including a devastating drop in his rating and whispers about his mental well-being. Naturally, the solution to these adult-sized problems has been to swaddle him in verbal diapers and pat him gently on the head.
“It’s truly heartbreaking to see Ding like this,” said one Grandmaster, while gently cooing and offering a toy rook to the beleaguered champion. “We just want to make sure he knows he’s still our special little chess prodigy, even if he’s having a rough patch.” The approach has seen Ding’s colleagues and commentators alike rally around him, not with the respectful distance one might expect for a 31-year-old man navigating personal challenges, but with the overwhelming suffocation of doting parents. It’s been reported that Ding’s post-match press conferences now include snack breaks, nap times, and the occasional rendition of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” to soothe his frazzled nerves.
“Our poor little Ding just isn’t himself,” whispered an anonymous source close to the champion. “We’re thinking of setting up a playdate with Magnus [Carlsen] to cheer him up. Maybe some building blocks and juice boxes will help him find his smile again.”
In an attempt to bolster Ding’s confidence, the International Chess Federation (FIDE) has announced the introduction of a new rating system exclusively for him, where all ratings are converted into gold stars and smiley face stickers. Ding currently leads the world with an impressive 27 stickers and three shiny stars.
“We just want to see him happy,” said a FIDE spokesperson, while carefully placing a comfort blanket over Ding’s shoulders during the closing ceremony of a recent tournament. “Competitive chess can be so stressful for our little champion. We believe in positive reinforcement.”
Fans have eagerly joined in, sending Ding plushie versions of his favorite chess pieces, supportive tweets in baby talk, and even recording lullabies to help him sleep better at night. “We love you, Dingy-Wingy! You’re the bestest!” read one particularly poignant message, adorned with heart emojis and a digital kiss.
As the chess world continues to handle Ding Liren with kid gloves, the man himself remains tight-lipped, possibly due to the pacifier someone handed him at the last tournament. Some insiders believe he might be plotting a comeback, fueled by all the extra nap times and the mountain of motivational picture books piling up in his hotel room.
Until then, the chess community remains on high alert, ready to swoop in with juice boxes, hugs, and more unsolicited advice on how best to navigate life as a grown man-child. Because if there’s one thing that will definitely help Ding regain his former glory, it’s being coddled like a two-year-old with a championship title.
