WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former World Chess Champion Vladimir Kramnik escalated his online chess grievances to the highest levels of U.S. law enforcement. Frustrated by what he alleged to be a Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attack during his match against Peruvian GM Jose Martinez ,”Jospem,” Kramnik took matters into his own hands, filing reports with U.S. authorities and calling for a federal investigation. Kramnik vented his frustrations on Twitter and called upon the FBI to uncover the truth behind the alleged cyber assault.
Surprisingly, the FBI agreed to mobilize its resources to tackle the issue. Their investigation into the DDOS attack on Kramnik came to an abrupt halt, however, as within minutes they were able to trace the disruption to an intern’s ambitious attempt to download the entire Netflix library. Dubbed “Operation Streaming Overload” by astounded FBI agents, the investigation unraveled a series of events that began innocently enough with an intern’s desire to catch up on Netflix movies and TV shows during downtime. “It appears the intern mistook Chess.com’s servers for a high-speed data center,” said an irked Agent Smith in a monotone, as he sifted through the remnants of digital mayhem while fiddling with his sunglasses and earpiece. The intern, whose name remains confidential due to fears of becoming a meme sensation, reportedly embarked on the ill-fated endeavor of slacking off during work hours. “I just wanted to have something to watch on the side during my work hours,” the intern sheepishly admitted under FBI interrogation, surrounded by tangled ethernet cables.
As news of the investigation spread, former World Chess Champion Vladimir Kramnik took to Twitter once again and commented with characteristic flair. “Forget the Queen’s Gambit, this is the Intern’s Gambit. Bravo on the spectacular fail 🤦♂️ #DoTheProcedure
